Santa Clara Meditation Repentance – What made you happy recently?
Recently I was working with colleagues at work on a new project. Among the members who joined me on the team, there was a person I didn’t like. I felt all the suggestions she made during the meeting were unnecessary, and I only studied how to ignore her. In this state, four people including myself were able to carry out the project, and the work is not being carried out successfully because my mind is not united with the team members.
But why am I happy? Because this incident gave me a chance to reflect on my mean self. And with meditation, I let go of my mean mind. Because I no longer live with that mind. Could this be true freedom?
The biggest revelation of my mean mind was when I was in my third year of college. I was running a student council election, and I was a campaign planner. But the problem is that the candidate opposite to the candidate I am helping, coincidentally, was my best friend. Instead of competing in good faith, I spread my friend’s gossip among people. At the time, I didn’t even feel guilty. In my greed to win the election, I did not hesitate to undermine my friends. However, some people criticized and rebuked me for my actions. Rather than thanking a person for advice, I was ashamed of it and made an enemy in my mind.
More than twenty years have passed since this incident. Working on this arduous project, I found that I was separating my teammates from the one I didn’t like. I realized how ugly my excessive competitive spirit and obsession with honor were. It was shameful. I hated myself.
But fortunately, I found out that this image of myself was also fake through the meditation method I was doing. And because it’s fake, you can throw it away. If it’s shameful, I’ve been working hard to throw away my negative thoughts with the mindset that I need to change now. Competitive spirit, pride, inferiority complex, excessive narcissism. After throwing them all away, my mind is as light as it will fly away. I broke up with the mean me.
by Donna Seo
https://santaclarameditation.blogspot.com/2023/01/santa-clara-meditation-repentance-what.html
