Santa Clara Meditation Self Reflection – We Have Become One in Mind Through Meditation
Sungjun Moon and Younghee Jeon / Teacher
A wife said she always sacrificed for her husband’s development in anticipation of a happy future. The husband said he always tried to do the same because he wanted to do whatever would please his wife. However, communication between them has become more difficult and married life has only become more painful. Even though they said, “I love you,” they couldn’t be together for a moment. The couple learned that each was living in his or her own word. Thanks to meditation, they can say with confidence that they have now removed separation of their two worlds and have become one.
“It has become a relationship where they can relate to each other even in small ways”
The story of wife, Younghee Jeon
I have never been angry with others in my life. I have always laughed, listened to what the other person wanted, and lived without rejecting it. I gave up my honeymoon for my husband. After we were married, due to his studies to gain the license to teach and finally after 6 years into his teaching career, we seemed to live apart for six years. I raised two children alone and struggled with life. I was hoping that in some way the situation would change. I sacrificed at the beginning of the marriage so that in the end, we could live a happy life.
However, I was not happy at all. Every day was far more futile than before. I waited for this moment and tried hard, but what was the problem? I was so distressed that I took up the study of meditation that my colleague recommended.
In a word, I was pretending to be good. On the outside, I said, “Yes.” But it was a style that built up dissatisfaction in my mind and lasted a long time once I got to seriously thinking about it. As much, as I sacrificed, I had a desire for more than what I had. It no longer mattered how good my husband did, if it didn’t meet my expectations, I was resentful.
How difficult it would have been for a husband to live with a wife who always, in her thoughts, dislikes him in some way. The fact that I had the mind that “I had sacrificed a lot,” was annoying to him. Through meditation, without saying it, I managed to pull out the resentment, expectations, and feelings that I had wished for him to do everything on his own. I also removed parenting stress and perfectionism.
Now, I can talk to my husband about my thoughts and we can sympathize with each other. I am so happy and grateful that my husband and I were able to meditate together and he freed himself from the burden of being a father.
I am so grateful that I have now realized that there was someone I no longer blamed sitting right next to me.
“As a couple, we now live in the same world wherever we are”
The story of husband, Sungjun Moon
I got to know my wife as a junior and senior in college; I liked her kindness and appearance. After two years of dating, I proposed, saying, “Please be my wife forever.” The marriage was successful. As a bodybuilding trainer, I wanted to have a stable job like my wife who was a teacher, especially when I had become the head of a family with children.
The commute time was the same and we spent vacations together; it seemed that our love for each other increased as well. Suddenly, a terrible time in my life began. Even though I had separated from my family and studied for the test, the results did not come out well. I failed both exams in a 2 year period. I lost money and my pride collapsed.
I finally passed the 3rd exam and was appointed as a middle school physical education teacher. Because I had put so much effort to become a teacher, I knew that everything would go smoothly. However, I was always tired and communication with my wife became increasingly difficult. I realized one day that even though we are a couple sleeping under one roof, we did not live in the same world. The fact that we were living together yet talking about different stories every day was unbearable. I had to do something together with my wife. I started the Ma-Eum Su-Ryun meditation that my wife was already doing.
In fact, since meeting me, my wife has not had her own life. In a hurry to get married, she canceled her studies abroad, and she was always suffering from child-rearing and struggling with money. Even though she was carrying a large burden alone, all she wanted was a mind to care for each other, but I didn’t know that. I insisted on a certain role for my wife, “My job is to make money as a husband and your job is to raise children well.” I realized that I was a really selfish guy. I abandoned all of that while meditating. I also got rid of the burden of doing well in the future. Then, my mind became very light.
After meditation I was better able to take care of my wife and truly sympathize with her. Wherever we are now, we always live in the same world.
Even though we lived together we didn’t really know each other. I am thrilled to think that thanks to this meditation, each of us has eliminated our own self-indulgence and we have become one. Thanks for always being by my side. I love you.
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