Santa Clara Meditation Relationships – My Dad’s Gray Hair Helped Me To Understand Him
Hyunmin Kang
I grew up being afraid of my father, but I obeyed and honored him since I was a child. My dad was like a friend, but he was always distant. He didn’t praise me often. He was more of a nag and was quite awkward when trying to express his feelings. “Don’t play on your computer.” “Don’t do this.” “Don’t do that.” “Don’t do anything…” It seems like all I ever heard from my father were negative things.
I Built a Wall in My Mind Between Me and My Father
“Thank you.” “Good job!” “I love you.” I have never heard these words from him. My father never understood me, and he always thought he was right. I didn’t like him and I gradually communicated less and less with him. If I really needed to talk to him about something, I would talk to him without looking him in the eye.
One day, I noticed that my father’s hair had turned gray. After seeing his hair, I was able to really see his face and his body and I realized that my father had now become quite old. When did my father grow so old?
It was as if my father’s gray hair was speaking to me. I finally thought about my relationship with him. What was the reason that I hadn’t seen him positively? Why had I treated him so frigidly and never really expressed myself sincerely to him? Once I began meditating, I could clearly see the answer. I had felt sorry for my father, but I wasn’t able to treat him well because I had been accumulating negative minds about him since I was a child. Those minds had grown to form a wall between us.
When I Let Go of My Negative Mind, I Was Grateful to My Father
Since I started meditating, so many negative feelings that I had about my dad have disappeared. I stopped hating him altogether. My behavior towards him has also changed. I can now laugh with gratitude just for still having him in my life.
My relationship with my father hasn’t been good since I was a child. When I enlisted in the military in 2008, we had a major family meltdown. During that time he was really struggling. All he ever did was work and drink. Work and drink. It was at that time that I developed my frustration and resentment toward him.
I blamed him for everything. I’d ask him hurtful things like, “What did you ever do for Mom?” Even if my dad had done something wrong, how painful must it have been to hear his only child talk to him that way!
Dad, I was really wrong at that time.
Because of my accumulated negative minds, I had never really seen my father. But now I want to live happily with him. I want for us to always be smiling and living positively without being deceived by such fake minds. “Dad, please make some time this Sunday. I’ll dye your hair to look ten years younger…”
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