Santa Clara Meditation Personal Growth – The Shy, Greedy Girl Known As “Miss Carrot”
Soe-Sun Kim / College Student
As a child, I was a greedy girl who cried a lot and was very stubborn. I wanted to have everything. I was also a very shy girl so, during the holidays, when I saw all of my relatives, it was an anxious time for me. In school, my voice would tremble and my face would blush if I had to make a presentation in front of the class. My classmates teased me and called me Miss Carrot (for some reason). If any of my peers could stand up in front of the class and speak with confidence, it made me envious.
The reaction of friends after applying for the election of the class monitor were like “What happened to you during the vacation?”
During the summer vacation after finishing 4th grade, I attended a meditation retreat at the request of my mother. I wanted to let go of my timidity and shyness and I was curious about trying this method of meditation. Once I really started meditating and looking back on my life, I found that I was holding a lot of stress about my school life. Also, dealing with selfish and unkind friends was very difficult for me and I really disliked myself for being so timid. I was too self-conscious. In my head, I was always thinking things like: “I want to look good in front of my classmates,” and ”why are my friends looking at me like that?” In my thoughts, I would generalize that “this person is like this and that person is like that.” All of these useless thoughts built up over time and after meditating, they felt as dirty and useless as roadside trash. So I let go of all of my old thinking and was soon ready to go back to school in the fall.
Once I was back in school, I decided that I was going to run in an election to become Class Monitor. All of my teachers and friends were surprised and told me how much I changed over my summer vacation. I wasn’t nervous at all. I got up in front of my class and teachers and told them why they should vote for me. I confidently told them, “I want to be the bridge between all of the students and the teachers! If you elect me as the Class Monitor, I will do my best to work for everyone.” I wasn’t nervous when I gave my election speech. My friends voted for me and I was elected!
Now I’m in high school and I have been working with the Band Club, but I also teach as a general manager and serve as a manager. Because I let go of my thoughts about always trying to impress others, my students feel my warm heart easily and they just listen and follow my instruction. Now, instead of being known as Miss Carrot, they call me Kind Sister!
No matter what I have to do these days, I’m able to just do it. Even if I have to clean a dirty bathroom, I don’t care. I can do it! I can do anything.
I talk to friends all the time that worry about things and have stress because of school life or relationships with their parents. I always tell them that if that thinking is bothering them, they can try this meditation and let go of all of their old mind. They seem to get it when I tell them that the stressful mind is just an illusion. If we let our old mind go, the problems disappear.
The fact that I started this meditation in my lifetime makes me feel very lucky. The gratefulness I feel is beyond words. My hope is that others can also start this meditation method so they can change their life as well.
https://santaclarameditation.blogspot.com/2020/08/santa-clara-meditation-review-shy.html
