Santa Clara Meditation Positive Life Changes – What Are The Symptoms Of Puberty? We Don’t Know!
Park Dawney, Park Na-won / Bayside, New York
Downey and Na-won have become veterans of dealing with the anger and annoyance that comes with puberty.
When we were in elementary school, we were so angry that our anger came out against the stone which was still
Downey You were really introverted. You were shy and didn’t talk very much.
Na-won Downey, you’re a real loser. You were too hot-tempered and a little irritable.
Downey Yeah. You’ve taken my temper a lot. Thank you, my friend. You’re my best friend. You said you were more annoyed at home than at school because your brother didn’t listen.
Na-won My brother did whatever he wanted and if he didn’t do what he wanted, he would be lying down and complaining.
Downey I was having a hard time with my mom. It was scary to be scolded a lot by Mom even if what I did was small. You know I couldn’t and I didn’t even talk to Mom anymore. I got stressed out, irritated by trivial things, and became mean at school. I always fought with boys, said bad things, and I thought I was still fine, but I thought it was the other people who were bothering me and that I had the common sense and good temper.
Na-won I’ve always been angry at my younger brother and quarreling with him.
Downey That’s what you did to docile people or friends.
Na-won That’s right. I even picked on a friend who was very mild. But you, you were so weird, even to me. You said negatively to people, “What did you do? Why do you care?”
Downey If someone asked, “Did you eat?” I answered, “Why? Do you want to buy me some rice or what? What would you do if I ate?” And even when just passing by, I was just looking at things with anger. When it was hot, I said, “Woo, I want get rid of the sun!”
Na-won You were angry at the stones that were still. It was really hard.
Downey No matter what I wanted, if it didn’t work out my way, I was talking on the spot. It was like my brain didn’t have a filter. I had to say something from my mind, I was just saying it.
But when you were in fifth grade, you were being bullied by your friends, and then you were becoming like me. When we were in sixth grade, we exchanged personalities. You were annoyed at nothing, and I listened.
Na-won That’s right. It was all a hassle back then. I didn’t want anyone to talk to me.
We told Mom first that we’d go to meditation because we were desperate
Downey It’s been hard for me to be with the kids who looked down at me since fifth grade. They were calling me a ‘loser.’ I couldn’t talk to my mom because I was scared, so I was calling you a lot. I cried when I told you why I shouldn’t be treated like that and that made you nervous at the time. I said I wanted to die, but you said it should be okay later. I also gained a lot of weight back then. I ate like crazy if I couldn’t calm my temper. Literally, I had a personality failure so I tore up all the books, threw out all the problem books, and just cried all the time.
Na-won You really used bad words every time you spoke each sentence.
Downey I felt I hit the bottom at the time with my friendships, grades, parents and family. At that time, I texted you a few times a day to ask you to go to Cheongkam (Youth Meditation Camp). It was my last wish. I begged, “Please save me, let’s go together.” Honestly speaking, before that I never really felt a need to do the meditation that my mother asked to do.
Na-won I used to enjoy meditation. I could swim, go to an amusement park, and make new friends there.
Downey During meditation, I remembered my teacher, mom and dad while I was practicing meditation, and it was hard to throw them away at first because I was full of emotion. I kept crying as I threw away the scolding from my teacher, mom and dad. That’s an illusion, which does not really exists. I grabbed that nothingness and cried, “How long should I hold something which is nothingness? I want to die just because I’m sad from that nothingness?” I knew I would be a wreck if I held on to it, so I cried “please help me throw it away.”
Na-won I’ve thrown away my minds about my brother’s fights, my obsession with friends a lot, and then I threw away my friend’s bullying.
Meditation is like an eraser, erasing my frame of mind and making me become an open-minded person
Downey I have also thrown away many friends with my heart while practicing meditation. But I was so sorry that I hurt them, so I cried. It was mean of me to be mean to them. One arrow I sent out came back as a hundred. That’s when I knew I shouldn’t spit out bad words.
Na-won So did I. The lucky thing is, while meditating we came to know that I’m the one that is them. If you say something bad to your friend, you know it’s just like you are telling this to yourself.
Downey When I told my mom that I had been bullied at school, she said, “You know it comes back as much as you have done. What have you been doing?” At first what Mom said didn’t make it seem like she was on my side so I felt lonely. But now I understand because I meditate, so I know what you mean. In fact, adults are saying what we thought of as nagging and not worthy to listen to. However, after meditation I think differently. I realized that what adults say can help and benefit you.
Nawon That’s a wise saying! (laughter) I was sorry about bothering my brother and friends too. I’m sorry about that complaining to my mom, also.
Downey I’ve had a lot of problems with my mom, but I can see the stress she put on me being relieved while practicing meditation. I felt sorry for my mother. I’m sorry. She was so obsessed with me. She had hoped it would work out for us, and I was told to go to a good university. Dad tried to raise me strong because I’m his oldest daughter. It was always said that I was the pillar of my family, I must be the best in the house, and I should be the best in my family for my younger siblings to follow. I didn’t know she had changed since I started practicing meditation. Before, my mom used to hit me if I did something wrong, but it’s even scarier because she’s quiet. I’m afraid it’ll explode later. But she always says with good words now. “What’s wrong with my mom?” I thought.
Na-won It seems that children change because they lose their fixed minds and become tolerant and understanding of other people’s points of views.
Downey If my frame is a square window frame, others can be round, or triangle shape. I could fit them, but before, to fit my square, I cut them, hurt them, and chased people away.
Na-won That’s right, but it’s gone.
Downey It’s like an eraser. It removes the mold a little bit. The side window frame is gone, the top window frame is gone. Since it’s emptied, we can accept square, triangle and all the details and can be generous.
These days, we are popular among friends as mom-friendly counselors!
Na-won We don’t get annoyed with trivial things anymore, either. Completely generous.
Downey Awesome! We’re best friends, best of best!!
Na-won I’m going to finish this meditation anyway. Sometimes you feel a little stuffy talking to the kids, don’t you? I feel stuffy. They know it’s going to be bad, but they do it anyway and they regret it. We can empty our minds by meditating if something bad happens.
Downey People cry hard after fighting. People are so sorry afterwards. They’re struggling because they can’t beat themselves. Once they look back on themselves, they will know it’s their fault, but they don’t want to blame others and admit that they’re blaming themselves.
Na-won I used to think it was my brother’s fault even if I fought with him, but when I threw away my mind, I knew I was wrong.
Downey I also apologized to my friends. When I sincerely apologized to the bully for being mean before, that kid said also he was sorry that he did something wrong to me. I think I have a big filter in my brain now. I used to say bad words, but now I’m just saying what is necessary. That’s why they like me. It’s so awesome.
Na-won You’re really different. You didn’t offend me by saying the same bad things like before, and your personality became very mild. I’m also getting along with my friends these days and I’m having a good relationship to talk with my mom. I used to feel uncomfortable when I talked to my mom, but now I’m comfortable. I was also obsessed with friends. I couldn’t go to the bathroom alone, and I couldn’t go anywhere alone. Without friends, I felt like ‘Oh, I’m going to die,’ I felt like I was a loner, going to be bullied; now that kind of anxiety is gone.
Downey I used to be like that. Once upon a time, I had no friends around me. Honestly, you were the only one. But these days, my friends come to me. They ask me to give them a lot of counseling, too. I think I’m going to give 5 counselings to people per day. My nickname is “Mom.” I guess just as much as I’m comfortable.(laughs).
Na-won I’m a kid, but kids are stressed out these days.
Downey Frankly, our parents keep trying to get into their own molds, and we’re more rebellious. But adults don’t admit it’s their fault. So I think parents should train their mind first. My mom’s appreciation for me these days, is I used to try to fit my mom’s mold, but now she treats me like a person. So I’m relieved that she believes me. I used to be scared of her, and I felt like I was going to get in trouble for whatever. How can I make excuses? What can I say to believe? It was hard for me. But now we’re on our own.
Na-won That’s right. I feel like I would have run away from home if my mom and dad didn’t practice meditation and scolded me for my grades.
Downey I hope all the parents in the world will take care of their mind through meditation. That way, the kids change, and the mom, dad, and kids will all feel comfortable. (Laughs).
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