Santa Clara Meditation Depression – Many Of My Stifling And Depressing Thoughts Have Disappeared
Song Ah Choi
I first learned that about this meditation last summer from a friend of mine at work. At that time, I was merely curious but was interested enough to think that should I get a chance I will try it out. Then at the end of last year until this past January and February, I suffered through some difficult, tormenting events. I was so mentally exhausted that I could not sleep well and I felt depressed and disturbed (I am usually considered to have a bright and energetic personality). I thought if this continues, I will lose my mind and harm my body. I wanted to escape from my suffocating depression. It was during one of those days when the meditation came to mind, after which I immediately started level 1 of this meditation.
At first, I thought that I felt like a refuge from reality, and I came in with a somewhat big expectation that I would really improve myself. However it was so difficult to adapt at first. When I listened to the lectures, I had fun and understood. I even thought, “Oh! I am going to work really diligently to have the heart and mind of the universe.” I was determined. But when it came to discarding those thoughts and emotions from my mind and heart, it was not quite so easy. And during the process of reflecting back on my thoughts and emotions there were times when I felt those disturbing difficulties and anxieties surging up to the surface.
Whenever that happened, I was so grateful to the assistant helpers who would consult with me and provide caring, personal training. Then it seemed the meditation would be going very well, then I felt as though it wasn’t working. In one day, my mind and heart would be fluctuating up and down many times a day. My mind and my will want to sit down and continue to practice this meditation, but as I think about the fact that I am returning to my daily life tomorrow, I feel a little uneasy and regretful.
But, compared to when I first entered the meditation center, many of those stifling and depressing mass of thoughts have disappeared. And I have come to know that those are all false, and that I shouldn’t be swayed by them, and there is no need for my mind and body to suffer from those thoughts. My mind and heart hasn’t been able to let go of those difficult thoughts and emotions completely, as I had first expected. And although I haven’t been able to completely forget about those stifling difficulties, I will go to the local meditation center and will continue to practice. Still, it seems that I have become much freer.
https://santaclarameditation.blogspot.com/2019/11/santa-clara-meditation-testimonial-many.html
