Santa Clara Meditation Self Reflection – I Broke Free From My Framework Of Being Nice
Su Jin Jang / Homemaker
I had always been jealous of confident women who were able to express themselves. I had been the very typical ‘kind’ and ‘nice’ woman due to the way my parents raised me. My dad continuously used to teach me that I always had to be nice to people and I had to pretend to be fine even though the situation was not fine. Due to that I constantly suppressed my emotions and never learned how to express myself. My mom was the same way, a “submissive woman” to my dad. And, I became a replica of my mom.
I’m a so called “kind woman”, but have always been jealous of the “bad woman” characters in soap operas.
Before I met this meditation, I had never even once been able to show my emotions to my family members and close friends. And I mean no one. Even though somebody made me angry, I always pretended that I was okay, but within I had a desire for them to understand me. Because I had been suppressing my feelings, I struggled in dealing with other people. Also, I couldn’t make deep relationships with anyone. Eventually, I developed depression. I wanted to find the way out.
Since I met this meditation, I have been able to throw away the minds that I had accumulated. I had so many minds that I always have to be nice and good. I found strong attachments to these minds. After throwing away all these minds, I felt so light and I became much brighter. The universe was simply me, and everyone was one. Everyone was a complete being. I felt so free and truly happy.
After throwing myself away, I completely changed. When the moment required me to express myself I could. I became a person who is able to say what I have to say. I started to be able to have much better and closer relationships with everyone because I was able to express myself. I mistakenly thought that being honest made people avoid me, but that was not true. Since I am now genuine with anyone, people can trust me.
I became a “genuine, kind woman” when I threw away the mind of “being kind.”
After my major change through meditation, I had an argument with my husband. He told me that I was careless with our children and because of that they didn’t get good scores on their exams. I didn’t agree with what he said, so I expressed my thoughts and how I felt, after which he apologized. Afterward, my relationship with husband became much closer. I don’t pretend to please people anymore. I say what I have to say. My children also told me that they felt so much more comfortable since I have changed. I finally realized that “being considerate of others” cannot be done even though I try hard. Instead I have to cleanse away all the pretending minds. When I threw away the “being nice” mind, I was able to be genuine with anyone, and they also felt comfortable to be with me. My life has become so much happier now.
While reading this testimonial, if you think you are similar to me, I want to recommend that you try this meditation so that you can reflect on your past. I really like the way I am now. I don’t pretend anymore. It doesn’t mean I am mean to people. I have just become a genuine person, and I’m so grateful to this meditation.
https://santaclarameditation.blogspot.com/2019/11/santa-clara-meditation-benefit-i-broke.html
