Santa Clara Meditation Relationships – As My Mind Changed, My Life And My Family Also Changed

Bae Jae Seong / Corporate Employee

I was always very negative and got irritated easily. I was depressed for no reason and also rebellious. I felt a lot of regrets about my life. Even at a young age, I was curious about the purpose of life, but I lived thinking that to be able to know the answer was beyond me. And so I carried on and just lived my life. At about the time when I was getting worn out by this mindset, I happened to come across a booklet for this meditation. The contents were scientific and I felt this was different from the existing forms of other meditations out there. It was really astonishing that I began this journey.

Seeing myself drown my stress in alcohol, I was the same as my father

After doing this meditation, I finally got to know what peace of mind really is. In the past, I made a very solid self-centered frame and never dared to let anyone invade my space. When I was young, our family struggled financially. My father was perpetually drunk while my mother took on all kinds of odd jobs to raise us, 5 children. I had to witness the unavoidable fights between my parents, and we frequently moved. The atmosphere at home was always dark. My life until now consisted of an inferiority complex about being poor, feelings of loss, and the fear of living.

Time passed by and I eventually came to have a family of my own, but in the back of my mind, it was always occupied by negative minds. My wife tells me she was always anticipating about when I would next lash out from irritation and that she was nervous and anxious during the times I would return home after a night of drinking. I relieved my stress through drinking. I would always ask myself why I behaved that way later on and felt very frustrated. I vowed not to live like my father, but I was already the spitting image of my father.

Now…my life has completely changed. I spend much more time having conversations with my wife. Our relationship as well as the atmosphere at home has improved. I even help out with household chores like washing dishes, which I previously thought of as things that men shouldn’t do. In fact, it is to the point now where my wife tries to hold me back from doing the dishes.

The elder of my two daughters was always very irritable and introverted. But after attending the meditation youth summer camp, she has been class president for two years straight. She is very active in extracurricular activities and she has become very positive minded.

My daughter, who was reticent like her father, now tells me, “Dad, I love you” and is playful and even snuggles up to me. This is a really amazing change. I can recall that as I dropped her off at summer camp, I said to her, “Be sure to throw away all the minds you have about me.” I think it was because I was afraid that she would hold on for a long time to the many bad memories of her father, just as I had done of my own father. Now that my children have a way to discard on their own whatever difficulties they may face, I can’t think of a better character building education.

‘I can’t believe I was actually sitting face-to-face with my father and having a conversation’ – This meditation is really amazing.

I started doing this meditation with the hope that my mind could be at ease, but it completely changed me into a new person. In the past, when having a conversation with others, I was very self-conscious. ‘Should I act like this? Should I act like that?’ It was exhausting and a headache. After meditating, I could see that my behavior was a display of my mindset of wanting to look good in front of others; of seeking recognition. Now that I knew what the cause was, all I needed to do was discard it. Even while watching the news, I was always blaming the world and getting irritated and angry. I used smoking and alcohol as a means of coping. But now, I am able to just chuckle it off.

My facial expression is much brighter and my body has become healthier. Even the people around me comment on how my face has really brightened up. My relationship with my father has changed. Even when we are not having a conversation, we are still in communications. When I was young, I was never able to sit across from my father and have a conversation with him. I was very uncomfortable when I was around him. But now that I think about it from his perspective, he must have been very lonely. Now, it has become commonplace for me to pick up something for my father and visit him on the weekends. I massage his shoulders and even have conversations with him. This meditation is truly amazing.

Now that I’ve discarded my mind, I can understand the saying that life is just a pipe dream. Just like a dream exists but doesn’t once you wake up, if you live tethered to the past, you will get lost in that life and really be conned by that illusion and live your life as such. I work at an automotive parts manufacturing company. The constant whirl of the machine was always grating on my ears in the past. Now, it is a delightful sound and I am grateful for it. I feel that I’ve reclaimed my life and I feel freedom. I am deeply moved as I can sense that the world is alive. They say that the environment and conditions are what change a person, but actually, what changes even all those things is a person’s mind.

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